I wish I only lived at night.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
