so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
