I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
