You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
