I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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