Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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