Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
