Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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