Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
