why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
