so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
