I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
