hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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