I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
