i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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