At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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