I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
