Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize