didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
