Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
