i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
