So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
