She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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