Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
