Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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