The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
