I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
