another moral hangover. fuck.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
