i think i have two assholes
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
