I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
