you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
