Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
