Duck Duck Cougar?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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