This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
