Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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