I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize