if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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