listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
