He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
