As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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