Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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