So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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