I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Randomize
