I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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