Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
