I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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