hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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