You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize