3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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