My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
