I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
