So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
