I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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