how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize