guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
