Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
