When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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