I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
