Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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