Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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