If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
