I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
a search helicopter?!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
