i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize