dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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