How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
