I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
