I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I want a musical about memes.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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