I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
