I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
