I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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