When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize