Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
