That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
