I just saw a hot homeless man
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
