i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
do herpes really smell.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
