The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Randomize
