Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
