My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
