I'd wear matching sweaters with you
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
