That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
