Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
only if we run a train.
done.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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