ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
