Only a mothe r could love this liver
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
