Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
