it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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