Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
