i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
