Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
