your parents love me but you hate me
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
