I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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