No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize