After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
