I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize