My first STD was from a foam party
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
