yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
