I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
