I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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