If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
