we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I need to align my fucking chakras
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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